thoughts... observations...

Amazing how time flies! Well anyways, I have come to the conclusion that I do have some sort of anxiety issue which causes my heart rate to increase and possibly blood pressure as well, but only is certain situations. For example, I met my mom at my sister's house so we could go shopping. When I arrived it was just my mom and the boys, all was fine. Then my sister came home and starting talking about things and I could just feel my body changing, I decided to ignore what she was talking to my mom about and just watch tv (even made a random comment "wow that's a huge aligator" that I think confused them!). When I got in my car to leave by whole body felt stressed and overall just felt odd, leading me the my conclusion.

My second observation I have made is that lately I have become extremely bitchy and I realize that I am anticipating the stress of Christmas... not buying presents, fighting thru stores or parking lots, rushing around spending all my money, nothing like that... just that my family is going thru a difficult time and I just don't want it to over shadow the day, like it does almost every other day. I spent Thanksgiving with Jeremy's family and came to a realization, I fit in much better with his family then I do most of the time with my own. His family (his brothers & him) are around my age and are experiencing things that I am, they aren't married, they don't have kids, their lives are more like mine and for me its just easier. I hate to say that I don't fit in with my family but at times its true, I am trying to live my life and don't like to be judged or critized for the things I do.

I love my family and I would never replace them, I just wish that sometimes they just understood me a little more...

aggrevation...

So I am aggrevated... for many reasons, none of which I can really talk to close people about... which is even more aggrevating...

...sometimes I wish I could just move away... sometimes I wish I could be better at being me... sometimes I wish I really didn't worry what people thought, especially cause I always say I don't... I wish I could feel more accomplished... I wish someone would appreciate me every once in a while... sometimes I just need to feel loved... why am I always the bad person... why do I have to be some nice... why do I have to be so self-destructive... why is it that I feel I need to say, "well my life is not like yours" all the time... I wish that I could not get my hopes up for anything, that way I can never have that 'let down' feeling... why can't I admit I am wrong sometimes... what is it that makes me embarrassing to be around? The way I dress? The way I look? The way I talk? Or is it just all the things that I am not...

drive-bys make me smile...

Ok, let me re-phrase that... driving to work every morning is pretty uneventful, however, I love when I am cruising along, and I happen to notice a shiny black car has pulled up next to me and has matched my speed, I look over and there is this orange-haired guy smiling at me, then he makes a kissy face, smiles again, then speeds off... ya I love those kinds of drive-bys! The make my Monday mornings start with a smile!

quite time...

I love when my office has meetings that I don't have to be in! Its so much quiter in the office and I can get my stuff done without interruptions, and I can listen to my music at a more then reasonable level... meaning I can actual hear it! Todays meeting involves all but 3 people in my office, ya its nice to be management that doesn't actually get to make real big decisions. But its ok cause I don't want to be in that meeting anyways, its a meeting with our lab, who we aren't planning on using this year. They (well its actually just 1 guy) are giving a presentation on why we should use them again this year... fat chance though cause we have much better success with the other ones we have been testing out!

I have been at work for an hour and a half now and this is what I have done:
-checked email and other personal website
-changed the back up tape (WORK)
-checked slickdeals
-printed out the web orders (WORK)
-showed Laulita videos of Dexter playing with Bella
-answered the phone (WORK)
-cleaned out the fridge
-ran to the dumpster to throw out old stuff from fridge
-realized the back door was locked so had to run around to the front...brrr...
-refilled the sugar -ate some coffee cake... yum!
-attempted to unlock the back door
-went and asked Toni to refresh my memory on how to unlock the back door
-ripped January off my desk calendar
-updating my Blog

... yes, I have such a hard job this time of year, but in a few months I won't even have enough time to drink my coffee... I kind of wish our season lasted a bit longer. 3 months off would be nice rather then like 7 or 8ish. We have approximately 4 months of crazy busy time, then it stops BOOM... nothing... we go from 30 graduations in a weekend, every weekend to 1 graduation a month, if that. Its crazy...

Ok... I hear chatting going on outside my office... gotta head out there and join in!! :-D

car·ri·er
(n.)
Medicine. A person or an animal that shows no symptoms of a disease but harbors the infectious agent of that disease and is capable of transmitting it to others.

Ever since Jeremy & I have lived together, he has had more colds then ever, and we are pretty sure it has to do with me, he seems to get whatever MY co-workers have had, but I don't get them, I think its kind of funny... he does not!

Right now I actually have a cough, but thats all... nothing to be too concerned over but I just love the fact that I am a 'carrier'!! WOOHOO for spread disease!! :-P

So I get a daily horoscope, and sometimes it weird... like today:

"Your energy levels are off the charts! So what are you going to do with this cosmic cornucopia of creativity and excitement?"

Cosmic Cornucopia? Where the hell do they get these phases?

Here is one from my monthy horoscope:

"...your ability to communicate what's on your mind (and in your heart) will reach a Mount Everest-type high."

Again, Mount Everest-type high, wow, wish I actually could feel these things, cause they definitely aren't me, especially today, up at 7am, nice walk with D-money, napped from 8:30-9:30am cause I felt like ass, still in my pj's now, been using my lap top all morning... ya I call that 'cosmic cornucopia of laziness'!!

OH MY GOD!! I just got a call-back!! Ok, well let me start over... so Jeremy has this customer (computer related customer!) and they are looking for a Sales Support person, and the job seems a lot like what I do know, but they are willing to pay more, so he mentioned me and they ask him to send my resume... so we did on Wed. night and today I get a call!! Monday I am going in for the interview and I am so very very nervous! I am excited but nervous at the same time! WOO!

Oh, deep breaths... I am getting Galinha Alentjana for lunch today, its a Portugese dish from Laulita's restaurant with SOGGY FRENCH FRIES (thats my desciption but damn do they taste good!) , ok well not her restaurant but its where she works after she leaves here!

speak up...

So I am not one for speaking up, but if I was honestly upset about something there comes a point when you need to say something. For example, let say your work decides to take a paid holiday away from you, but they only decide 4 days before the actual holiday. Now, if you already made plans you figure your screwed right, well if you say something about it they may actually listen and let you get away with having it off and still getting paid. But you will never know if you don't ask.

when is enough really enough?

So Jeremy & I have this guy, our bartender, Michael. He treats us well, and sometimes too well. 'same pour' is something I hear everytime, which is great, but lately its turned in to too much. Do I tell him, no thank you I will just have water? Hello, he is giving me FREE martini's... how do I say NO?

For example, the other day we went there for a nice lunch with one of Jeremy's co-workers at 1pm, many pours later we left, I don't remember the ride home, all I know is I woke up at like 8:30pm then went back to bed at 9pm. Too many pours... but damn were they good, and FREE!

Uh... such a dilemma I know...