Amazing how time flies! Well anyways, I have come to the conclusion that I do have some sort of anxiety issue which causes my heart rate to increase and possibly blood pressure as well, but only is certain situations. For example, I met my mom at my sister's house so we could go shopping. When I arrived it was just my mom and the boys, all was fine. Then my sister came home and starting talking about things and I could just feel my body changing, I decided to ignore what she was talking to my mom about and just watch tv (even made a random comment "wow that's a huge aligator" that I think confused them!). When I got in my car to leave by whole body felt stressed and overall just felt odd, leading me the my conclusion.
My second observation I have made is that lately I have become extremely bitchy and I realize that I am anticipating the stress of Christmas... not buying presents, fighting thru stores or parking lots, rushing around spending all my money, nothing like that... just that my family is going thru a difficult time and I just don't want it to over shadow the day, like it does almost every other day. I spent Thanksgiving with Jeremy's family and came to a realization, I fit in much better with his family then I do most of the time with my own. His family (his brothers & him) are around my age and are experiencing things that I am, they aren't married, they don't have kids, their lives are more like mine and for me its just easier. I hate to say that I don't fit in with my family but at times its true, I am trying to live my life and don't like to be judged or critized for the things I do.
I love my family and I would never replace them, I just wish that sometimes they just understood me a little more...
